The Last Working Day of the Year: Part One - The Message

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Photo by Alex Plesovskich on Unsplash

On the morning of December 30, 2016, two events occurred. The first one was not that remarkable---I went to work. It was the last working day of the year. And as expected, it was a slow and lazy day, the only thing that excited me was receiving my salary around lunchtime. Upon confirmation of said salary, I withdrew at the nearest ATM and headed straight to SM Hypermart. While checking my to-buy list, my phone vibrated, delivering the day's second major event. It was my step-father, asking me to go to PGH after work. I froze. My heart sank as I stared at his message. I had to reread it multiple times for the news to sink in. There it was yet again, that sinking feeling in my stomach. That feeling of knowing something bad is going to happen. A sense of doom so palpable it’s unnerving. 

It should have been obvious when I woke up earlier. The house was empty. That should have sent warning signals to my brain already. But I remained hopeful, Christmas came and mama got discharged. Two days from now it would be 2017. The last thing on my mind was another night at the ER. Surely, my family have been through some shit the past couple of months, a healthy fresh start was something we all needed. Or so I thought.

I stuffed my phone back in my pocket and continued grocery shopping. The urge to reply incapacitated me, but I carried on. I didn’t reply, because replying meant agreeing. And at that moment, with that gaping black hole in my stomach, waxing and waning at every step, I didn’t want to be anywhere near PGH. If I don’t reply, I could dodge the responsibility and take care of my mental health. So I went on with my task, pretending to have not read the message.

When I exited SM Hypermart, I stopped myself a few steps from the building's entrance. There was a strong wind swirling overhead. The trees outside were swaying as the wind danced around. I took a lungful of air, hoping to stop the deluge of tears about to spill. With my hands both occupied I wouldn't be able to wipe any bead that would fall. So I steadied myself and watched the trees shake and shimmy, hypnotized by the wind's alluring air. The wind glided and danced, trying so hard to amuse and impress me with her talents. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to be at home preparing for the New Year's. But the wind continued her performance, it didn't take me somewhere else. It only left my hair disheveled and my spirit broken in its graceful wake.


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