LSS: Crying Season by UDD

Nothing hurts more than the pain of not given the chance to say goodbye...

UDD encapsulates such a journey of emotions around a sensitive topic with Crying Season---a tear-jerker of a track, one of my favorite song from their self-titled album.

For context, below is an excerpt from Armi Millare's Facebook page posted on October 21, 2019, explaining the message behind the song.

"I know it is midday, totally out of the blue but someone had asked about what Crying Season is all about. It was written for our fallen comrade, the band’s best friend-Sherwin De Guzman, and two other friends who had succumbed to their struggle with mental health. It has been difficult to grasp none of them are here to talk to us about it, but maybe let me try from my end of the spectrum."

As someone who had a similar experience, I'll try to break down the lyrics based on my own understanding and from my perspective.

Verse 1

Is this the end or beginning?

The song starts with a question: Is this the end or beginning? A line one can only muster after such unspeakable loss and confusion. 

I can sense of your goodbye

It's difficult to look back at that last conversation. Because one would repeat that moment and would try to look for any signs, hoping that by finding anything the outcome would be different. Those last moments would be a subject of excessive picking apart.

When you looked back at your last conversation, did you feel it would be the last one? Was there a disconcerting feeling that you can't point your fingers on? Because sometimes you'll never know. 

I'm feeling more than I’m feeling

Wondering what went on your mind

People are left with an overwhelming sense of regret for not stopping what needed to be stopped.

You never gave us chance to really try

And worse, I really stood behind you

When they say they're fine and that you need not worry. But deep inside they're drowning, not knowing what to do. And so, we go on about our life with that false sense of security. 

How did you know what to say or

Would it if I stopped the spinning wheel

When they say what they want us to hear at the expense of their mental-wellbeing.

Chorus

And I hope, somehow

That you're happy now

'Cause without no rhyme or reason

It’s crying season again

Verse 2

Whether I'm wrong or right

It don't matter if it's the end

Whether I'm right or wrong

It don't make a difference, my friend

Bridge

We had some good, good times

We had good, good times together

We had some good, good times

We had good, good times together

Remember?

Remember?

(I'm trying to) Remember

(I'm trying to) Remember

When it's a little too late to empathize, and the only memory you're left with is their last moment with you. But you try your hardest to conjure images of them in their happiest and freest.

Chorus

And I hope, somehow

That you’re happy now

’Cause without no rhyme or reason

It's crying season again

When all is said and done, no amount of blaming can alleviate the pain of such a loss. 

You can't blame them. You can't blame yourself. There's only pain to work around and through. And hopefully what blossoms forth is something beautiful, a reminder of the life they had and the life you'll lead ahead.

If you, or someone you know need help, here's a link to a list of Suicide Hotline and Crisis lines in the Philippines.