A change of heart

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Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

How does it feel to have no full control over your body? How does it feel to realize that you can only do so much? You may try to eat healthy or avoid stressful situations. But that’s just it.

How does it feel to realize that your body has turned against you?

Every day you wake up weaker than the day before. Your body, a cruel reminder of your deteriorating health, mocking and bullying you into submission. An old friend who turned out to be a traitor, exposing them self at your weakest moment.

Despite those things, my mother faced her sickness gracefully. At least for me, it looked that way. Because if it were me, I wouldn't want to see how it would play out. My mother was so patient, so hopeful. Was there joy in any of this? Hell, no! Does one have to suffer so the reward would be worthwhile? A resounding no. Sign me out quickly.

During those nights that I kept vigil beside her bed, wiping my tears and muffling my silent cries, I've learned so much about courage and hope. Now it's time to unlearn those. I’m not one to romanticize suffering, I see it as it is --- an unnecessary pain, a glitch in the system. In the end we'd all want it to stop, to cease, even if it includes us.

The Bible says your body is a temple of God. But would you want to stay in it when it's already burning to the ground? Would your faith fool you into believing that what you're smelling isn't your flesh burning but the aroma of a burnt offering?

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