Why I chose to stay and why stayed longer..
"I have decided to join because I wanted to maximize my time while studying here in TUP-T"
I was so sure of what I am saying, I was confident with every word I uttered. I was so into it, very passionate with the thought of becoming a junior staff and being able to work in a campus publication. I've always wanted to be writer. Writing has always been my penchant; I consider it an innate skill of mine. Though, I may see myself mediocre with the whole idea, I've always dreamed of writing for a campus paper and then there was The Philippine Artisan -Taguig. It was like a dream come true when I received a text message informing me that I am officially a PA junior staff, from then and there my college life had started to change from the way I supposed it to be.
At first being in a school publication seemed cool, I got to know many different people and experienced each of their individualities. The shyness in me started to be replaced with expressiveness and sheer confidence. I never expected such changes to occur.For all I expected were just paper works and all its technical aspects. I never thought "Publication life" to be this exciting, taxing, and at the same time fulfilling. Months gone by and I've seen myself attached to the Philippine Artisan, but still the inevitable happens leading me to choose between my studies and my publication calling.
Time management has always been a problem to me, conflicts on schedule always seemed interminable. I always find myself having dilemmas on how I could manage my tight schedule considering the fact that I've started devoting my time to the publication. But yet, sometimes it's unavoidable to choose between academics and extracurricular activities. Academic must be on the first list, I enrolled myself here in TUP-T primarily to pursue my college education, so why must I sacrifice time for studying when quitting Artisan was just a letter away? Why did I bother applying for such a post when in the end I'll regret joining the publication? Random thoughts clouded my mind, but quitting was not my last resort. I could still patch up things and manage my time in school and also in the publication. I was still optimistic with the status quo of things that time.
It was last year, 3rd term of the school year (on my 1st yr.) that I realized --- being an Artisan staff is not an easy thing. There once a point where I realized I'm not worthy enough for the post. Things had change during that period in my publication life, from perfect meeting attendance to questionable meeting excuses; and from meaningful write-ups to incoherent articles submitted. I was not passionated anymore, the sparks of public service had run out of my hands. I never seen this happen before, things just went out of my control. I have always been keen with things like this but this scenario just indicated something I dreaded, something that I never thought of doing... RESIGNING. I thought of resorting to it, but I held back, because my instincts were telling me to do so and started weighing the possible alternatives of the problem that's overwhelming me that time.
It was so unusual of me to be emotionally attached to my Philippine Artisan family, that's why I considered self-deliberating the notion for a couple of weeks. I came up with the final decision.. that I'm not going to quit and I'm staying for good. The decision was not that difficult to make. I considered everything essential to it, from time management to relationship conflicts and also my academic standing and it all came up to my sole reason; my willingness to learn more and also to serve the studentry as a whole thru the publication.
I followed my heart, I chose to stay because that's what my deepest desire is telling me. I'll regret every chance I wasted by letting go from it. The Philippine Artisan had been my home, and the people here are now my family. We're united right from the beginning, though stormed by controversies, critics, and malicious misleading we'll never be derided. Though problems may be inevitable but still we'll be intact to become what the TUP-Tians have expected us to be; to become the freedom box of the campus and be the instrument of peace and transparency within the University
In the long run, I've always wonder what might have been if I never stayed, If I went and go. Will I regret everything that I have missed? Or will I forever blame myself with the decision I made? But heck, I choose staying and I stayed longer, because that's what my heart tells me and I guess that is what my reason of being is.