randomly cluttered

Photo by Kevin Jackson on Unsplash I miss my mother every day. She died on February 25, 2017. And ever since, I have been navigating life with the weight of her loss. Some days are easier than most. But recently, I discovered the weight getting heavier around her death anniversary and mother’s day. On sobering breakdowns and ironic epiphanies Just recently, days before mother’s day, I had a proper emotional breakdown. Time and again, I have braced for these waves. And as with time, it became bearable. But not this one, I’m afraid. Trying my hardest to ride the waves of grief, I got sucked in the quicksand of my heart. After drying my tears and grounding my thoughts, an ironic epiphany befallen upon me. The epiphany explained When I was in elementary, I had always prided myself with my academic achievements. I can count with my fingers the number of times I failed to be in the honor roll. I was never pressured by my mother to be the best, I just knew back then how excelling in school w...

The sun waved hi The morning you bid goodbye; Felt like nothing and everything Changed at the same time. As the hospital woke up, You had fallen asleep. As they wheeled you out the door, I counted all the promises I failed to keep. Relatives were notified. Not a tear in my eye. Parched heart beating slow, Feeling restless but I got nowhere to go. Did you lie next to your body? Did you watch me as I packed? Did you visit your favorite places? Did you think of going back? Did you hear my I love yous? Did you notice the weather that day? Did you soak in the sun, had your fun, Before you finally went on your way? Documents were processed. Memories were accessed. Your last dress was bought, Your last moments rethought. While the country commemorated the bravery Of those who marched to reclaim our democracy, A silent song rose within me — A remembrance of what was and what is meant to be. For nothing is bolder than to love courageously In the face of certain uncertainty. And from that moment...

Photo by Jun on Unsplash Grieving is for the living; the dead passes on  while we're stuck. There's only so much grief  that the heart can entertain. Life is a sad broken track. We process it differently,  but we go through it just the same. There's no ounce of growth to be had,  when we're all wallowing in its crippling pain. Grief emancipates. Grief imprisons. Grief rises and sets. Grief has seasons. Grief is a moving target. Grief is an empathetic pet. Grief breathes life and robs for the wrong reasons. Grief is a pit in your stomach. Grief is a whirlpool in the sea. Grief is an abandoned shipwreck. Grief is a lovely company. Grief is a journey. Grief is wheeled with the gurney. Grief is a whisper to the void. Grief is an AI powering an android. Grief darkens. Grief glimmers. Grief forgets and then remembers. Grief connects. Grief divides. Grief reflects. Grief provides. Grief grows with us until the end. When it leaves, Grief becomes our last friend. Grief trans...