Untitled

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To be honest, I have never gotten past the fact that we never had the chance to fix things between us as mature people do.

I'm sorry because I haven't moved on yet. 

Not a bit. 

I'm good at faking things up. 

I tried my best to take that leap of faith -- to bridge the gap I started. I know in time we will be able to patch things up and start all over again. But for now as difficult as it will be, I will carry this burden along with me as I wait for the day where we will get along as normal friends do.

I will always remember you as someone close to my heart -- someone who will always be special. You will always be the friend I never had. Always have and always will be.

You have been forgiving; I have been proud.

You were ready to fix things up; I was busy shattering them.

You have always been the kindest; I have been good at being the worse version of myself.

You were the soft spoken one; I was loud.

You were seeking for resolution; I kept on finding faults and cracks.

They say it's just a phase what I'm experiencing right now. But I cannot fathom how it has overstayed for quite some time. I cannot understand its inevitable recurrences.

I can conceal the sadness and act happy on the outside but inside I'm broken, wanting to turn back time. If I tried hard enough and stayed I know I will not be regretting the selfish choice I made before. Because right now I cannot accept the fact that because of my doing it all came to this point.

Had I swallowed my pride and tasted its bitterness then things will just be fine. But I took the wrong turn and made the wrong move and just like that I made my life a bit miserable.

This has to stop. I have to face the reality and accept the hurtful truth -- even if I try to turn back time I can never bring back the old relationship we had. We never got close and we never have been the best of friends. That is something I have no control of.

Do I have to wait for fate to pull the strings that attach us? Or do I need to make a conscious effort and reach out to you? I know we have been through this countless of times.

We planned on being friends again but it has always been me who have been hesitant. It was always you who wanted to make things work for us but needless to say instead of fixing the problem I made it worse.

What else is left for me to say? 

What else do I have to do to make things work again for us? 

Can I do the unthinkable? 

Will it be worth my while or yours? I don't know. 

I'm already on the verge of giving up...

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