Posts

Showing posts from February, 2018

The benefits of spending time with your spiritual leaders

Image
http://www.alychidesigns.com/the-act-of-conversation-has-purpose/ ...aside from God (of course), that should be established first. If you haven't yet then you need to prioritize your relationship with Him. I have always loved talking with people - it is one of the best ways to gain insights and wisdom. That is why I really treasure such moments I have with leaders I look up to because of the invaluable wisdom I get from just having a hearty one-on-one with them. What you'll receive during an hour of conversation are years of experience and wisdom on discipleship, ministry building, and spirituality, condensed in these easy-to-bite nuggets of wisdom. Consider it a plus if they'll open up about their personal lives - that can be humbling and encouraging. So, how do you spend your time with your spiritual leaders? Do you even make it a point to ask them to make time for you out of their hectic schedules? I know it's a stretch but who knows? 

What worship is not

Image
http://lbpc.org/multimedia-archive/the-everydayness-of-worship/ Worship is more than listening to praise and worship songs.  It's not  even close.  Worship is more than singing, clapping, jumping, and dancing. Just because you know every single word of the song and its beat and melody doesn't mean you're more likely to feel God's presence. Don't equate those to worship. Crying is not worship. And so is kneeling and beating your chest. Worship is birthed from a heart that is surrendered to the authority of God.  It is the outflow of gratitude and humility brought by God's undeserved grace for us. Worship is an outward expression of an inward devotion. It transcends actions and other visible manifestions; f or the heart of worship is our heart.

Six Feet Under (S03E07)

Image
https://robcartwrightphotoblog.files.wordpress.com Brenda talking about her father's passing (who died of Gastric Cancer).  These were exactly her words to Nate: Watching him die was like watching somebody got washed out at sea, only they're sitting right there in bed. Wave comes and takes them a little away. Another wave comes, takes them a little away. Every wave is a day. Little by little, off they, off they go. This illustration of a loved one dying is so poignant and heartbreaking.

Bits and Pieces 008

While watching a funny TV series I kept on holding my foot as if trying to scratch something.  After a few seconds I felt a nerve on my left foot and remembered how mama was IV'd on both her feet.  I also recalled her doctor (way before mama's feet were IV'd) advising us to not have mama's feet IV'd.  It transported me back to that four-cornered room with mama being hourly checked.  The nursed had already started the first liter for mama's fast drip check.  The plan was to administer hydration to her body so as to have her blood pressure shot up to a normal level; her BP has already dropped to an alarming level.

Bits and Pieces 007

I remembered mama crying because she needed money badly. I immediately gave her some money from my internship allowance. We were still living at Tita Lorna's place. I also remembered mama crying when she was still in the hospital. Potassium, when intravenously injected to ones body is very painful. Mama was already used to the pain. But there was this one time when she cried; it wasn't Potassium. But it was excruciating to say the least. Mama twitched in pain the very moment it entered her bloodstream. She cried "aray, aray, aray.." and called her mother. I fought back the tears as the nurse asked for forgiveness like they were forced to do it. But it was needed.

Untitled

To be honest, I have never gotten past the fact that we never had the chance to fix things between us as mature people do. I'm sorry because I haven't moved on yet.  Not a bit.  I'm good at faking things up.  I tried my best to take that leap of faith -- to bridge the gap I started. I know in time we will be able to patch things up and start all over again. But for now as difficult as it will be, I will carry this burden along with me as I wait for the day where we will get along as normal friends do. I will always remember you as someone close to my heart -- someone who will always be special. You will always be the friend I never had. Always have and always will be. You have been forgiving; I have been proud. You were ready to fix things up; I was busy shattering them. You have always been the kindest; I have been good at being the worse version of myself. You were the soft spoken one; I was loud. You were seeking for reso

Bits and Pieces 006

Image
https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-13768256-stock-footage-car-interior-in-moving-vehicle.html I remember heading home with mama on December 24, 2016.  We hailed a taxi cab on our way home.  It was the day before Christmas.  White Christmas was playing in the taxi.  It got me really emotional because finally after several months of staying at PGH we were finally able to send mama to our newly furnished home.  After five days at home mama was sent back to PGH on an ambulance car.  The rest of it was the start of the darkest and most painful months of my life.

Bits and Pieces 005

Being jolted with what just transpired I was up and about, alert to my very core.  I called and texted family members telling them of mama’s passing.  After breaking them the news I started gathering our things.  It would not take long before they take mama’s body to the morgue and we’ll be out of the hospital in the morning.  So I packed our things; gathered everything that can be used at home and threw the rest.  As I was gathering things I made it a point that the radio was playing songs I downloaded for mama.  It gave me the strength I needed to finish the task at hand while mama was still in the room covered with white blanket.  I was aware of my suppressed sobs.

Bits and Pieces 004

I woke my unknowing sister who was sleeping on the chair beside mama’s bed while sobbing heavily.  “Jett, jett.. wala na si mama.” , was all I can muster.  She was incredulous at first, irritated by me waking her from sleep.  I don’t know if it dawned on her what just happened.  But once she saw mama’s body it was clear to her that mama was gone.  She cried for a couple of minutes.  After a while she returned to sleep.

Bits and Pieces 003

I know we were already expecting it, but never was I prepared for such a news.  “No one is really prepared until the unexpected happens.”  In my case it was already anticipated but not entirely expected.  There was still a glimmer of hope in me. "A miracle was about to happen", I thought to myself.  A miracle did happen but not the way I expected and hoped it to be. After hearing the words, I remembered all of the promises I made to mama when she recovers and gets better.  I remembered it vividly one by one.  We will travel and go to place she has never been to.  We will eat delicious food.  She will live in her own house and live a life without worrying where to get money to buy food and pay rent.  All of those promises I can never fulfill anymore.  I always thought promises are meant to be broken but not in this way.  Promises can never be nullified in such an uneventful way.

Bits and Pieces 002

Image
https://www.edwintalbot.co.uk/genre/abstract-art/tamsin-pearse-passion-iv I woke up again at around 3AM and noticed that the nurse was checking mama for vital signs.  It never occurred to me that she did not find any signs of life at all.  She went out of the room looking for the doctor.  As soon as she did, I got up and walked near mama’s bed and noticed bubbles forming out of her mouth. I quickly got a hand of a roll of tissue and wiped the froth from her mouth.  I threw the wet tissue near the sink and got back to her bed.  I noticed that the oxygen was turned off and mama was already not moving. There was no sign of her breathing – no up and down motion of her chest.   She was also a bit darker than her usual skin color. At that very moment my heart started beating fast.  The door opened behind me and her doctor arrived.  I stopped.  My heart still pounding.  He checked mama’s pulse on the wrist and then tried on her neck.  After a

Bits and Pieces 001

Being accustomed to hospital dynamics, it always saddens me when families go home without their patients.  After learning of their patient's passing I would later find the patient's pillows and blanket along with other used belongings in the trash can waiting to be thrown out as its owner is being sent to the morgue. It was heartbreaking to come home without ours.

That Time When Mama Turned Into a Minion

Image
http://moziru.com Before we were gifted with the animated movie Despicable Me, yellow was just a bright color we associate with the sun. Well, there was Big Bird from Sesame Street. But only kids with cables can relate to that. Even before those small and pudgy light-bulb-shaped creatures we adored now became popular, yellow was just a color. Or a song by Coldplay.  Before that fateful event, yellow was just a color to me. Mama was preparing to go to Sariaya Quezon to meet with our relatives and my godmother along with her family from France. She was excited about the family reunion. It has been years since the Manongsong family had a get-together. The night before her trip we noticed her eyes have become yellowish. She was also feeling a bit tired. But she shrugged it off saying she can sleep it off and by tomorrow she would be fine. It was an event she could not miss. It would take years for it to happen again. That morning she left by herself since everyone ha

When Running Is The Only Option

Image
http://stocdkfgsa.blogspot.com/2015/04/free-photos-running.html I have been running – as far as I know – for a long time. It started back during my college years. I run because I wanted to lose weight. I was heavier and bigger back then. It was doubled during my internship at Emerson. And it got worse when I landed my first job at Pointwest. I’d always schedule my runs early in the morning because it is the only time of the day that my mind is fully active and involved with what I am doing. I’d run around FTI (back when the constructions were not even started). I’d go 3 to 4 kilometers depending on my mood. And after running I’d walk for half a mile to cool down. At some point during my runs I’d feel tired even if I’m on my first kilometer. When it gets to that point, I’d just finish my first lap and walk the rest of my second lap. Then I’d go home. For me the goal of my daily run was to shed some unwanted pounds and that was it. If ever I’d reach my target weight,